Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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