would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
