Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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