I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We are all done wearing pants today
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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