Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
