New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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