I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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