so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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