You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
my liver is dry heaving
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
