I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
