***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
