if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
