In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
