AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
