I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
