we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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