what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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