i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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