you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
