I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
