Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
