Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
