OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
