God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
