Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
