The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
