I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
