The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
