Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
