she smelled like a LAN party
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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