Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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