uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
