So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
