I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Sorry my hands just texted you
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize