In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
