When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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