We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
