i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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