if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
