pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
