just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
