i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
