I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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