DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
