coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
