I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
