i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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