Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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