It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
