We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
