I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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