I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
