Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
4 words: hood of his car
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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