come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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