he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
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