shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
