I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
