I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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