Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
