5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
