just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
