I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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