All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
