I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
