Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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