the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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