i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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