I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
