I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
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someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
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Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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