moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
