I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
