Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
