hotel room ftw
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Pants are for mortals
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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