If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I know her cup size but not her name....
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