i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
it glows. i had to have it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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