thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
