dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
